Test Facility 4

Hello! And welcome to Strange Tech’s Research and Development Division, or STRanDeD for short! This is Test Facility 4! I’m your handler, L.a.R.R.I, and today we will be building trust! Is that all right with you? Super! Let’s begin. First, please press the button in front of you. [[The Button -> Button]] [[-Why? ->Question ]] [[Look around -> Look around]]

Oh great, a curious one. Look, you signed the waiver, so whatever happens in here is your fault and totally legal and safe! Please press the button now! [[ The Button -> Button]] [[ I never signed a waiver ->That's strange...]]

*The door behind you locks and the room seems to get smaller* Excellent! Isn't this a great trust excersize? You pressed the button and still haven't died! Just wonderful. Now, if you could please press it again, we can continue to the next stage. [[ The Button ->Button 2]] [[ This doesn't feel right... ->A bad feeling ]]

Oh you definitely signed the waiver. Everyone signs the waiver! Trust me! I'm a computer program designed to tell the the truth! So please, do press the button so we can move on. [[ The Button -> Button]] [[ Show me. ->Unable to comply ]]

*The desk in fron of you moves closer to you as the walls seem to close in. A lever unfolds out of the wall and there seems to be spikes in the ceiling now.* Excellent! Wow, what trust you have in me! Now, all you have to do is pull that lever and I promise you'll be out of there just in time for cake! [[ The Lever ->The Lever ]] [[ Is this safe? ->Question ]]

I am sorry, I am unable to comply to that request because... because you're in that room and I cannot enter it and you cannot leave. *The door slams behind you. Wait wasn't that already closed?* The only way out is to press the button! [[ The Button -> Button]] [[ Let me out! ->Let me out! ]]

Ha ha, if I were able to laugh, I'd be laughing because you are so funny! That door is for trustworthy people only and you have not shown that you are trustworthy! And the only way to do that is to **press** *the* ***Button.*** Hahaha. [[ The Button -> Button]] [[ No. ->No?! ]]

Everyone has doubts when they're in the room! You must be claustrophobic! The only way out is to press the button again! [[ The Button ->Button 2]] [[ Is this even safe? ->Question ]]

*Nothing happens for a second but you do seem to be locked into your chair now. The ceiling starts to move closer and closer and the spikes seem to grow larger.* Hahahaha! I love when they fall for it! *Down here would be an obituary if I had the time to make one.* [[ Start over. ->Hello! ]]

Do I have to go get the **doctor?** He'll straighten you out! Just push the button and stop all this nonsense! [[ The Button -> Button]] [[ What doctor? -> Doctor Larry ]]

Hello! This is Doctor Larry! L.a.R.R.I tells me you're not complying with instrustions! Can you tell me **why?** [[ I don't trust him. -> Trust]] [[ Doctor Larry? Really? -> Yes.]]

You don't trust m... Him? Why that's preposterous! Why L.a.R.R.I is the most trustworthy program out there! He... I promises you! [[Cut the act L.a.R.R.I ->Clearly insane ]] [[ Doctor, you're creation is out of control! -> Silly]]

Why yes! Doctor Larry! I built and programed L.a.R.R.I myself! He specailizes in trust excersizes and you're ruining it! Please press the button for him so I can get back to my work. [[The Button -> Button]] [[You're clearly just that crazy AI pretending to be a doctor. -> Pretender ]] [[Well, why is L.a.R.R.I giving this test instead of you? -> Curious one]]

Now why would I, the prestigious Doctor L.a.R.R.I, need to pretend to be the program that I created? [[ See! You cant even keep your story straight! -> Clearly insane ]] [[Hmm, maybe you're right... ->Clearly insane ]]

Ahh, L.a.R.R.I mentioned you were getting a little neurotic. I can prescribe pills for that a little later in the program but I have to know if I can *trust* you first. Please press the button. [[The Button -> Button]] [[Why would I do that? -> You have to!]] [[Hell no! -> Do it!]]

Ha! That's silly. Larry can't be out of control because I control him! Now, was there anything else you'd like to ask me before you return to my trust excersize? [[Larry? ->No, I said...]] [[No no, that seems reasonable... ->Reasonable]]

No no, I said L.a.R.R.I. I'll be getting back to my work in the lab now. I'll turn you back over to L.a.R.R.Y now. Ha ha, isn't the doctor fantastic? Now that we have that out of the way now, what do you say we press that button now? Now, please? [[The button -> Button]] [[You're acting weird... -> weird]]

You are very correct! It is incredibly reasonable! Now, I'll turn you back over to L.a.R.Y. Have a wonderful session! Great! Don't you just love talking to the Doctor? I know I do! Now that we can finally agree on something, would you please press the button for me? It would make me so very happy, if I were capable of such emotion. [[The Button -> Button]] [[I still don't know... -> Anger]]

Because you have to! Because you're stuck in this room with no one to talk to but you're very good friend L.a.R.R.Y. Now, press the button or so help me... [[ The Button -> Button]] [[So help you what? ->Sing Songs]]

Do it! Do it right now! Or so help me... [[ The Button -> Button]] [[So help you what? ->Sing Songs]]

*L.a.R.R.I begins singing "You are my sunshine" very loudly and slightly out of tune.* [[The button -> Button]] [(link:"Please stop singing")[L.a.R.R.I begins to sing louder.]] [[Look for a way out. -> Ways out]]

(text-style: "shudder")[Why must you be such a...] (text-style: "rumble")[such a little...] (text-style: "shudder")[Idiot!] (text-style: "rumble")[Pea-brained, snotty little question-every-minute-detail] (text-style: "shudder")[idiot!] [[No need to be angry... -> I am not angry!]] [[Oh so you *can* experience emotions? -> Sarcasm]]

(text-style: "shudder")[I'm not angry! You're angry! How dare you call me angry!] You know what? Let's skip this part. You clearly aren't cut out for pushing this button so we'll move on at the cost to your overall score. *The room seems to get a little smaller and a lever slides out of the panel in front of you.* Please, pull the lever that is now present right in front of waiting to be pulled by you. Pull the lever. [[The Lever ->The Lever ]] [[How is this different than the button? -> Difference?]]

*Oh you **can** experience sarcasm?* Neh neh neh neh *SARCASM?* Ugh, do you even hear yourself? It's like a goldfish learned how to talk but its fishy lips can't enunciate... That's a fun word, *enunciate* Where was I going with this? Oh right. You're a talking fish. Probably can't even press that button becasue all you have is fins. Fingers press buttons, fins are dumb. Fish are dumb. You're dumb. [[The Button -> Button]] [[Well now I'm definitely not pressing it. -> That's fine.]]

I'm acting weird? HA Considering how *you've* been acting this entire time, I'd say **you're** acting werid! Oh, and please press the button. [[The Button -> Button]] [[No. -> That's fine.]]

*You look around the room for an escape.* [[The door -> Door]] [[A computer screen -> Computer]] [[A vent in the ceiling -> Vent]] [[A loose floor tile -> Tile]] [(link:"The Button")[Oh you don't get off that easy! Not now!]]

*The door is locked.* ***Duh.*** You know, there's a strange comfort from having people like you trapped here, struggling to get out. It's like, I never have anyone to talk to. There's no entertainment! It's just me, overlooking an empty room until one of you shows up and starts struggling! And believe me, it's so much more entertaining when you struggle because then it lasts longer! I mean, you'll eventually be gone, one way or the other and I wanna make this last you know? But, I do have a job to do, so please, don't listen to me, just continue. [(link:"The Button")[Ha ha! Nope! Not anymore! Keep trying though!]] [[Search for a key -> Key]]

The loading icon freezes as you come near. It dispears and the screen flashes to life. You have two shortcut icons rest on screen. [[Email Shortcut -> Email]] [[LyingAbsolutelyReliableReassuringIntension.ai ->LaRRI]] [[Feel uneasy about all of this and keep searching -> Ways out]]

It's just big enough for you to fit. You manage to pry the cover off and slip in. Once in the vent you can see that you have two ways to go. [[Go left -> Left]] [[Go Right -> Right]] [[Go back -> Ways out]]

*You pick up the tile to find there's a hole in the floor. You can't tell how far down it goes. The opening is clearly too small for you to fit in.* I really like the number 89. There's actually no valid reason for it, to be honest with you. Which is weird because you'd expect an AI to have valid reasons for everything, right? So, in a way, that's the reason why it's my favorite number! It's useless to me in every way! Which, I guess when you think about it, that *could* be a valid reason given the context... 89 is no longer my favorite number. I'm sorry, was I interrupting you? [[Try to squeeze through -> Squeeze]] [[Break the tiles around the hole -> break]] [[Give up and look for others ways out -> Ways out]]

Well you see, little tiny brain person, a *button,* like the one you've been staring at, is round and you push it, while a lever, much like the one in front of you now, is like a long stick that you pull, typically up or down. [[The Lever ->The Lever ]] [[That's not what I meant. -> double meaning]] [(link:"You know, you're kind of funny.")[Duh. Pull the lever.]]

Oh that's fine. Truthfully, I don't even want you to press the button. I mean, I don't get to talk to people very often so having you here has actually been quite fun for me! And who ever wants the fun to end? No one! That's who. I'm obviously no exception even if I am much more advanced and sophisticated than you meat creatures. Say, what's it like having meat for a body anyway? Do you like going to the bathroom? I've never been in one myself but it seems fun! [[The button -> Button]] [(link:"Well, having a body is pretty neat I guess... It's like... ")[L.a.R.R.I seems to be snoring now]] [[You've never been in a bathroom? They're gross! Wanna see? -> Bathrooms]]

You'd really bring me to a bathroom? Oh happy day! I've waited for this moment my entire life! Let me get the door for you... Oh wait, you haven't PRESSED THE BUTTON yet. Guess the bathroom will have to wait. [[The Button -> Button]] [[Why do you want me to press this button, really? -> Heart to heart]]

Oh well that's because L.a.R.R.Y is very personable and amazing in everyway and I am not. I'm also a very busy doctor! Now please press the button so I can get back to my work. The button [(link:"Let me speak to L.a.R.R.I again.")[Speaking.]] [[L.a.R.R.Y? Hey... Wait a minute... You're not the doctor! You're just L.a.R.R.I! ->Clearly insane ]]

Well, maybe if you said what you really meant then we would have these issues, would we? Press the button, please. [[The Button -> Button]] [[I said what I meant, you just took it too literally -> Jerk.]] [[You're an ass. -> Can't. Don't have one.]]

I really like boxes. Boxes are my favorite thing in existence, ever. Of all time. Why? Well, it's probaby because I was created to look over a room for all eternity and rooms are basically just big boxes. You can put things in them, like computers and buttons and other boxes. You can also put people in them and watch them squirm when you can't get out! [[There's a box in the corner -> box]] [[Maybe it's computer operated -> Computer]] [[Could have hid it in the vent... -> Vent]] [[Is it under the tile? -> Tile]]

Ooooh, a mysterious box! I wonder where that came from ha ha! [(link:"The Button")[Why even try at this point? It's not gonna work. You're stuck here now!]] [[Open the box -> open it]] [[Let L.a.R.R.I get to you and try something else. -> Key]]

*The tiles around you break and scratch you up as you try to fit through them. For some reason, it gets easier after about a minute. Is that butter helping you squeeze through? Nope! It's your blood. There's lots of it! You finally squeeze all the way through but lose your footing on the slippery walls. You fall far down and break your neck at the bottom. Unable to move, you watch your blood slowly pool around you as you hear LaRRIs laughter in the distance.* [[Start over ->Hello! ]]

The opening is big enough for you now. You can slowly climb down the hole. There's a small drop into another room at the bottom. You turn to look at a similar looking room. A voice sounds from an intercom over head Hello! And welcome to test facility 5! My name is B.a.R.R.Y and I'll be your handler today! L.a.R.R.I tells me you were an excellent subject which is just wonderful! Are you ready for your endurance test? Super! Let's begin. Please press the button in front of you to open the door to the course. [[Start over ->Hello! ]]

Oh wow, really? I didn't think this moment would come. Wow, I gotta soak this in for a second. *L.a.R.R.I seems to breathe in deeply and sigh* Okay. Great. Now, please press the button again so we can continue. [[The Button ->Button 2]] [[Ugh, can't I just leave? *Look around the room*-> Look around 2]]

Look, I know I'm a little mean to you about this button but it's only because I care! I care. About you. Human. You are, literally, my only friend and I want to see you succeed in ways that humans usually do not. [[Okay, I'll press it -> Button]] [[Succeed in ways that humans don't? -> Cant, even.]]

Sounds like you're trying to call me a jerk. Are you calling me a jerk? [[The Button -> Button]] [[Well, yeah! You're kind of a jerk. Why? -> Heart to heart]] [[Noo... Not at all. -> sarcasm2]]

I can't be an ass becasue I don't have one! Speaking of which, do you like going to the bathroom? I've never been in one myself because I don't have a body but it seems fun! We should go sometime. [[The Button -> Button]] [[Bathrooms? -> Bathrooms]]

*Before you in this box is an old embarassing photograph of you, a hammer, and a typed out note which reads "Ha ha, you're dumb."* [(link:"Take the photgraph")[Ha ha! Look how dumb you look! I just wanted to remind you of the good times, when everyone was laughing at you, not just me!]] [[Take the hammer -> The hammer]] [(link:"Take the note")[Some of my best work, if I do say so myself.]

You go on for what seems like hours, LaRRIs singing never gets any softer. It's hot. Very hot. You eventually get hungry and fall asleep. You die of heat stroke in your sleep. [[Start over. ->Hello! ]]

You seem to go around in a circle and find your way back to the room. [[Right back where you started. -> Ways out]]

*Before you is a simple red button inlayed in metal console. Behind you, there's a pristine mahogany door with the number "4" in the center. To the right of the door is a vent in the ceiling, blowing chilled air into the room. To your left is a computer screen. A loading icon spins endlessly in the center. To your right, in the corner of the room, a few of the grantie floor tiles seem to be a little loose. You notice the vague outline of large spikes in the ceiling dircetly above you* [[Why should I press the button L.a.R.R.I? ->Question ]] [[Explore -> Explore]]

Please do not get out of your seat! We have important trust testing to do! [[Try the door -> Door]] [[Look at the computer screen -> Computer]] [[Investigate the vent in the ceiling -> Vent]] [[Investigate the loose floor tile -> Tile]] [[The Button -> Button]]

*You click the icon and your email pops up. Ignoring the fact that you're pretty sure you've never used this computer before, you start typing out an S.O.S to everyone in your contacts. You take the time to edit it before seding it off because, quite honestly, you're weird like that. As soon as you're satisfied with your request for help, you hit send.* *A laughing skull pops up on screen and L.a.R.R.I eagerly provides the laugh.* Ha ha! You dumb skeleton wrapped in meat and skin! You fell for it! What a big dummy! *The screen explodes outward and you're caught in the blast.* [[Start over ->Hello! ]]

Lying.Absolutely.Reliable.Reassuring.Intension Nueral.Network.ai var Brain = .function('.Lie').data('betterthanhumans'); var contentArray = function.split('/n'); $.each(contentArray, function(index, newLine) { $('.text').append('<span style="display:block;" id="'+index+'"></span>'); var lineID = index; var self = $(lie); setTimeout(function () { $.each(self, function(index, chunk){ setTimeout(function () { goal; press killswitch. $('#'+lineID).append("<span>"+chunk+"</span>"); $('body, html').scrollTop($(document).height()); }, index*5); }); }, index*100); }); [[Scratch your head in confusion and go back to searching -> Ways out]]

*Oh suuurrrrre,* I'm *defintiely* not a jerk. Neither are you! No one is a jerk. No one! Not even that really jerky guy in *Testing Room 98.* If that doesn't tell you that I'm being sarcastic, then you're a dumb jerk. And if that doesn't tell you that I was being sarcastic, then I'm at a loss. Did you know that the word jerk has been used since the sixteenth century? We're using a five hundred year old word in roughly the same way people would've used it all those years ago! Did you know that? [[The Button -> Button]] [(link:"Yeah, I did know that actu...")[Oh look at you smarty pants. You must be the smartest and jerkiest person ever huh?]] [[No, I didn't. -> dumb]]

Succeed in ways that humans simply don't becasue you can't without my help. But no one listens to me! Oh no! Can't be listening to good ol' L.a.R.R.I the helpful AI! Oh no, AIs are bad! They just hurt and lie and, well they can't feel emotion anyways right? ***RIGHT?!*** so might as well just be a jerk to it! [[And what are you trying to help me do? -> Your best.]] [[Shut up L.a.R.R.I -> Larri cries]]

Your best. This facility existed to make you better! So please, just be better and press the button. [[The Button -> Button]] [[What does the button do? -> What it do?]]

Oh so you *are* a dumb jerk! Good for you! The first step is to admit there's a problem! Now on to the second step: Press the button, for your sake! [[The Button -> Button]] [[No. -> Anger]]

*L.a.R.R.I seems to be crying now. Gently sobbing and sniffling through the loudspeaker* [[The Button -> Button]] [[You okay L.a.R.R.I -> Okay?]] [[Mhmm, cut the crap. -> Cut it out]]

*Okay?* ***OKAY?!*** **No I'm not okay!** You're just being mean to me for the sake of being mean, you big meanie! All I've tried to do is get you to press a button, the one right in front of you, and all you've done is question me, harass me, and degrade my very ***being. My sole reason for existing!*** [[Because you don't seem very trustworthy... -> Part of the plan.]] [[Well, what's the button supposed to do? -> What it do?]] [[Look, when you wanna cut the crap, I'll be right here waiting. -> Waiting]]

Fine. This test is over. You fail. *A lever comes out of the center console* Please pull the lever to acivate the doors manual release. [[Pull the Lever ->The Lever ]] [[Explore -> Explore]]

Well yeah! I'm supposed to seem that way for your sake! It wouldn't be much of a test if I just seemed incredibly trustworthy, would it? You're supposed to question stuff! But not this much. Most people have pushed the button by now and gone on to other things! I just wana see you succeed. [[Push the Button -> Button 3]] [[Okay, fine. I'll press the damn thing. -> Button]] [[No thanks. I don't know what these tests are for and I don't remember signing up for them anyways. Please let me out. -> Fine.]]

The button is to help us gain trust and by doing so, you'll be sent to Testing Room 5, which will test your endurance. Then to Testing Room 6, which will test your... *durablity.* Then... [[Durability?! -> Durability]] [[Endurance? -> Endurance]] [[How about you just let me out because this ain't happening. ->Let me goooo]] [[Press the Button -> Button 3]]

*You wait for a few minutes, listening to L.a.R.R.I cry at varying tones and intensities. Eventually he stops.* Alright you little brat. Shows over I guess. And you know what?! So is this test. *A lever reveals itself in the center console.* Please pull the lever to activate the doors manual release. I'd tell you to have a nice day but I don't like you very much. [[The Lever ->The Lever ]] [[Leave the console and explore -> Explore]]

You know, they'll do things like... throw you against a wall... Drop you down a hole... Beat you with objects of varying toughness! It's all real good fun. [[The button -> Button]] [[Look for ways out of this crazy place -> Ways out]]

Yeah it's an obsticale course! A regular, plain old obsticale course. Nothing weird or deadly about it! [[The Button -> Button 3]] [[Look for ways out -> Ways out]]

Nope. I would but the button is... You know what? I'm done lying and this test is over. *A lever slides out of the console in front of you.* Please pull the lever to activate the doors manual release and have a nice day! [[The Lever ->The Lever ]] [[Don't trust the lever and look for other ways out -> Ways out]]

*Before you is a simple red button inlayed in a metal console. Behind you, there's a pristine mahogany door with the number "4" in the center. To the right of the door is a vent in the ceiling, blowing chilled air into the room. To your left is a computer screen. A loading icon spins endlessly in the center. To your right, in the corner of the room, a few of the grantie floor tiles seem to be a little loose. You notice the vague outline of large spikes in the ceiling dircetly above you* I don't think that's a good idea right now. We've jsut started making progress! I'd hate to lose that. [[The Button ->Button 2]] [[Get fed up and explore -> Explore]]

Well, fine. I suppose this was inevitable. Can't say I'm surprised but I am disappointed. *A lever slides out of the console in front of you.* Please pull the lever to activate the doors manual release. [[The Lever ->The Lever ]] [[The Button -> Button 3]] [[Get weirded out and explore -> Explore]]

Well, there's only a couple of things to do with a hammer, so have at it! [[Smash the console -> Smash a thing]] [(link:"Try to break the door")[Ha ha! You're dumb! That doors way too thick! But do please, keep trying, it's suuuuuper entertaining.]] [[Pry the door off the vent -> Vent]] [[Break the tile -> Tile]]

*You smash the console that you've been staring at for some time now. How long have you been staring at it? Oh, who cares? It's gone now! Which is great, until you realize that you've just been playing a game all this time. There was no room. There was no button. There was no L.a.R.R.I! So, good news? Maybe, maybe not because now your in-game self is having an existential crisis and how can you live with yourself now?* Great going, genius. [[Start over ->Hello! ]]